There’s something to be said about this generation and dating. There’s also something else to be said about how we truly feel about committing ourselves to anything…dating, school, religion, a job. You can the name the rest of the list, if you like.

We are the generation that is so afraid that we are going to miss out on the next best thing.  If I decided to put all my eggs in one basket for one person, who is to say that they will do back for me?

Well, who’s to say that they won’t?

Who’s to say that they won’t love you?

Like you?

Care for you?

Help you?

Push you to be a better person?

Be the shoulder that you cry on?

See past all the crap you’ve been through in the past?

Bring you pizza at 2 am?

Instead, we play mind games. We keep people on the back burner for when we get bored with someone else, and hope that they don’t eventually get bored with us.  We lead people on, and try to convince ourselves that we don’t have feelings for them. We never really apologize for this action either, because we firmly believe that this is okay for us to do.

That there’s no way that someone could possibly like us for us, or heaven forbid love us even. We don’t let people in anymore in the fear of getting hurt. We keep everyone at an arm’s reach, afraid to get close to anyone. Because somewhere it is drilled into our heads that everyone will leave us.  It’s almost like we would much rather want to hurt ourselves, because then at least we can say that they didn’t do it. At least that keeps them being the good person in our eyes.

We don’t talk to people that we truly want to talk to, because we are afraid that they don’t feel the same. We don’t come off as annoying or needy. So, we ignore them in hopes that they will speak to us first. We put ourselves through hell, because we refuse to speak our minds and our feelings. Then we get beyond upset when they are with someone else.

We don’t get to know people past the superficial layer. We only look at the cover of the book, but we don’t actually want to know the contents that is in that book. We don’t get to know what makes them tick, their dreams and aspirations. The things that make them laugh that hardcore bellow belly laugh with tears in their eyes. We don’t get to know their music choices, or why they love certain television shows.  Why they act the way they do? How their past has really shaped them. No, we look at the cover and decided that’s not the story we want.

We are the generation that keeps swiping right in hopes that the next best thing will show up in front of us. That the person we match with, will be the one. Only to be highly disappointed that they aren’t the one. So, we keep swiping and swiping. In hopes that someone better will come along to occupy our time.

But what if the best thing that will ever happen to us has passed us?

Read more about Katie here.

 

We all know the saying “New Year New Me” whenever January 1st rolls around, but how many of us really stick to that? I’ll be the first one to hold my hand high to say I like my donuts and ice cream. I’m also not the only one who says I’ll stick to a diet and exercise plan and then quit. I have tried many ways to try to look like someone I’m never going to look like. I’m human. I compare myself to basically every hot girl I meet. I look in the mirror and sometimes wish I looked different. I have body image issues. But do you girls want my secrets to sticking to whatever plan you have for this year?

1) Love yourself.
You were made perfectly to be who you are. You are unique and there is only one of you in this entire world! This is something special; something only you can mold and make into whoever YOU want to be—not who someone in that magazine is or who your friend is….YOU. You have to really know who you are, care for what you have, and accept the beauty of it in your own way. It’s time to put yourself first and really love what you were born with. Everyone has flaws that someone else envies but once you love your own flaws, then you can say “I’m going to do whatever it is I want to do because I am strong, I am beautiful, and I want to do it for me.” Once you want to do something for you there is no stopping you!

2) Change your mindset.
If you look in the mirror and see something you want to change, there is nothing wrong with that. You can change whatever it is you want to if you put your mind to it. The key is to look at it from a loving perspective. If you want to tone up or look better in a dress, set a small obtainable goal. Look at yourself and tell yourself you want to do this for the love of your own body. You want to care for your body to make it strong and healthy. Then, the next time you put on that dress, you will feel like the strong and confident woman that you are.

3) Don’t stop.
It will be hard, it will be long, and at times, it will be frustrating. Nothing worth having in this world is easy. Just remember that no matter how little you do, how bad your workout was, how much you want to quit…the smallest amount of effort you put forth makes you ahead of everyone else on the couch. Keep up the good work, love your body, & have that donut and ice cream (in moderation of course) because you are who you are because YOU want to be it. Find things that work for you. You are all beautiful women in this world and you should shine like the beacon of light you are.

Lizzie is a recent graduate of Murray State University with a degree in advertising. She has big city dreams with a small town life. Lizzie is super spunky and is obsessed with anything coffee. She loves her dog Bee and can be seen obsessing over her on Snapchat and Instagram. Right now Lizzie works with Tribe 21 to help lift up young women and to inspire them to pursue what sets their soul on fire. If you’re comfortable with your dreams that just means they aren’t big enough! 

“What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life–to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?” –George Eliot

Love.

A simple word, but a not-so-simple feeling.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary has many definitions for this word, because it can mean so many different things.  One of the definitions, my favorite, defines love as “warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion,” doesn’t that sound nice?

Love in today’s society is so much different than it used to be.  Where there was once a clear sequence of events for dating, we are now more often than not swimming in pools of confusion.  Today, there is so much texting, “hanging out,” and less communication, so finding the person you want to do life with can be discouraging.  So, I’m here to let you know some dating tips that, in my experience, can help make the process a little easier.

1) Actually asking on date… IN PERSON.
Terrifying, I know, but so worth it.  Being someone who absolutely hates confrontation, just thinking about this is enough for me to want to be single forever.  However, this is the best way to go about it.  You don’t get the same satisfaction texting someone as you do in personally asking.  When you ask in person, you can see their initial reaction—the big smile that normally accompanies this request usually initiates the excitement for the upcoming date.  Now, there is a chance the answer will be no, and rejection is never fun, but if you are talking face-to-face, you can actually see if the person is into you, whereas in a text you get nothing.

2) Put the phone away.
It is very rare to find someone who doesn’t have a cell phone.  That being said, when you are on a date, put it away.  I went on a date with a guy who sat on his phone the whole time we were at dinner—even though I was talking to him.  Maybe I’m really boring, I don’t know, but it is just plain rude.  If you are out on a date, the goal is to get to know the person, and that is really difficult if you are both sitting and staring at your phone screens.

3) Make sincere compliments.
Everyone wants to feel special.  There was a guy that I went on a date with who did not give me one compliment the entire night…but he did talk about how hot one of the girls in the restaurant was (ouch).  On the other side, I went on a date with someone else and the minute my he saw me he told me how beautiful I looked, which led to a very great date.  It doesn’t matter what compliment you give, as long as you are sincere in what you are saying (because it is easy to tell when you aren’t) your date will appreciate it.

4) Say what you feel.
Say what you mean and don’t hide your emotions.  There is nothing cool or attractive about playing hard to get or being purposefully emotionally unavailable.  If you love someone, tell them.  If you just aren’t ready for the commitment or aren’t feeling connected to someone, let them know.  There is nothing worse than thinking everything is fine and everyone is happy when that isn’t the case.  Plus, feelings have a way of coming out, so make sure you are the one to tell your significant other so they don’t have to go through the uncomfortable encounter of hearing it from someone else.  Whether they find out you love them or hate them, it is weird and confusing learning this intimate information from a third party—so be the one to share the news.

Dating is messy and love can be hard, but it is so worth the effort.  Spending the rest of your life with someone can sound a little scary, and going through the process to find the person you want to share the good and the bad with can be scary, but the result will lead to a happier life—a life filled with love.

 

Beginning in November, there was a current of excitement and waves of shopping, celebrating, feasting, and catching up with friends and family. There was so much throughout the holiday season, and now that it’s after the New Year…now what? You’ve already made your New Year’s resolutions and goals and there’s still another 300ish days until the next Holiday season.

There seems to be a lull each year after the holidays are done. There’s a lack of things. A lack of moments of excitement and things to prepare for. Between January and March or when the weather warms up, there’s cold and not many large holidays.

This lull was something that really affected me in college. Being in the Midwest, I was surprised at how gloomy the days were. Overcast skies were a daily occurrence as well as cold temperatures. It definitely made it difficult to get outside.

However, through that lull, there were a few things I found that helped from getting “cabin fever”:

1) Take Short Walks When You Can.
Even when the weather is rather cold, it’s amazing what a little fresh air can do. Bundle up and wear that cute blanket scarf you received for Christmas. Even if you’re walking from your car to the grocery store or your class across campus, take your time and enjoy being outside.

2) Plan One Fun Outing Each Week.
Do something with friends or family or even something to pamper yourself. Write it down in your planner and schedule time in to do something you’ll enjoy, this way you’ll have something to look forward to and plan throughout the week.

3) Find Fun Activities Inside
Bowling, indoor mini-golf and go-cart racing are always good options. Even going to see a new movie with your Tribe!

4) Find Fun Activities Outside
If you live in a climate where you can be outside for a longer amount of time, try skiing or sledding! Seek out an ice skating rink, or even go window shopping.

5) Try a New Recipe
All those cool new dishes you’ve been pinning all year? Why don’t you try a few? Here’s one of my favorites.

6) Pick Up a Good Book
One of my goals for this year is to read quite a bit, and I know that when I’m bored, I probably should be reading. Anyone else this way? Here’s one of my top picks to read in 2017. I’d also recommend a book club with some friends. This way you have something besides school books to read outside of classes.

7) Try Your Hand at Crafting
I feel that my Pinterest is full of crafts that I never do…so why not try some? Here’s a fun craft I’ve been trying to figure out how to do for a while.

8) Take Time to Organize
Cleaning is a great way to sort through things. Often when you’re stuck inside on cold days it is almost freeing to be productive in your livable space. Make room for new decorations, or go through an old box sitting in the back of the closet. This can be rather helpful in making you feel more comfortable in your home.

9) Skype or Call a Friend
There’s nothing better than talking to a friend when you need a cheering up conversation. Why not take the time to sit down and Facetime or call someone? Connecting with the people you are closest to never hurts. Especially when you’re reaching out to say hello and check in.

10) Reach Out
Find a local shelter or outreach mission where you can donate your time and energy to giving back to the community. Make PB&J’s for a soup kitchen, knit hats for the elderly or make a visit to the hospital. There are endless amounts of ways to be involved in your community while doing good. Giving back is an amazing way to grow beyond yourself and help others out. Sometimes, even sharing a smile with someone is the bright spot others need.

What are ways you beat the New Year slump? Share in the comments below! 

Caitlin recently graduated from Luther College with a degree in Elementary Education. She is currently working full time as a Fifth grade teacher, and writing on the side. She loves being able to actively provide support and positivity for others and especially with Tribe 21! In her free time she loves to ski, run, and read. If she’s not outdoors or traveling, she loves to drag family and friends to new ice cream shops. She is a lover of stripes, lemonade, iced coffee, lakes, mountains, and deep conversations. Each fall, you can find her rooting for the Denver Broncos, and in the Winter, the University of North Dakota men’s hockey team. 

I am a pretty optimistic and positive person but lately I’ve been so . . . . .  frustrated. I want to be all empowering and inspiring and that is what Tribe 21 was founded on but it was also founded on being open and honest. And maybe I’m whining and just need to suck it up and be a big girl but I can’t help but feel like there are others out there who feel the same way I do. So with that I am writing this article. 

I have been feeling so frustrated lately about my relationship status. I know that sounds dumb but it’s true. I have been feeling so frustrated and discouraged and sad. Why? Because I am 22 and single watching all my friends and classmates, one by one find their soulmate and get engaged and married. And maybe it’s because it’s the holiday season and coupley, romantic things are in full force absolutely everywhere, ahem Target I’m looking at you. But it feels like every time I log onto Facebook aka the modern day nuptial section of the newspaper, I see another engagement status or proposal photo album. And every time I see it I feel this pang of sadness inside. This heartbreaking, discouraging, frustrating feeling washes over me. I’ve felt this time and time and time again, relentless, merciless and each time stronger than the last. Sometimes it feels like it’s crushing my soul, my heart. That I want to scream at the top of my lungs, or cry for five hours or get rip roaring drunk, something to let this frustration out. But I do nothing and eventually it goes away and things go back to normal. And I know that’s bad but it’s what works. But it’s still there, in the shadows of my heart, ready to rear its ugly head when I see “Boy and Girl engaged” online. 

I lay in bed asking myself why, why me? What’s wrong with me? What have I done to deserve this?

 I pick a part myself and find my flaws, my imperfections, the only logical reasons why I am still single, boyfriendless and relationshipless. Why I can’t seem to get a guy interested in enough to take me on a date. And maybe I am my own worst critic. Or maybe it’s because I’ve never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship and everyone around me is moving on with their lives while I am going nowhere fast. Or maybe it’s because something is wrong with the way I look. That I’m not  pretty enough, tall enough, skinny enough, have enough boobs or butt or that my teeth aren’t white and straight enough or that my skin isn’t perfect. Or that I’m too much of a good girl and not enough of a party girl that I need to drink more, party more and show off my body more. 

Maybe it’s jealousy seeing everyone around me happy and in love with their soulmates and in that phase of their life while I’m stuck 10 steps behind. Or that I am too ambitious, too strong and independent, confident that I know what I want and who I am that intimidates guys and drives them away. Or maybe because I am a hopeless romantic, an old soul that believes in unconditional love, and an incredible spark between two people and all of the things Nicholas Sparks has made me believe in in his movies. Maybe it’s because I’m too boring, not exciting or bold enough. Or because I have too high of standards and this delusion that my Prince Charming, Mr. Perfect, man of my dreams is out there when no such man exists, that I’m too picky and should just pick a guy.  Maybe it’s that I am too eager, that I want someone so badly that I show too much interest and reply to messages too fast. Maybe it’s because I actually want substance and conversation, emotion and vulnerability not just sex. 

Maybe it’s because I’m lonely and crave a warm body next to me to lean my head on, to make laugh and make memories with. Or maybe it’s my attitude, that I’m not appreciative about being single that I haven’t found someone. Or perhaps it’s because I’m terrified that I won’t find him. And I’ll show up to my 10 year high school reunion still single while everyone else is married with families and I have absolutely no one to show. Maybe it’s fear that I’m feeling. That I won’t live up to the expectation, or standard that my classmates, society and hell even myself that has been set. That getting engaged is what you do after college and then by 25 you’re married with kids and 27 living your happily ever after. Meanwhile I’m almost done with college, boyfriendless and most of my classmates and friends are already miles ahead of me. Maybe it’s a combination of everything. All I know is it hurts a little bit more each time. 

And I know what I am feeling is irrational and stupid and that none of it is true but at the same time it is true and real and I feel it. I feel it to the very depths of my heart and soul and being. I know that one day I will find my person, my soulmate but right now in the present the above is what I’m feeling. And maybe I’m overreacting and whining and I just need to be a big girl and deal with it but I can’t help but believe these are the reasons why I am single. I also know there are others out there who feel the opposite, who love their freedom, independent single life and I want so desperately to be like them but I just can’t. I know that girls don’t need men to be happy and maybe I’ll see that once I have one but for now it’s all I want in this world. So I will keep these feelings and thoughts inside until one day I find someone who shows me that they are all wrong. 

We are already 9 days into 2017…. NINE DAYS! How crazy is that?! We’ve been hard at work at Tribe 21 cranking up some great new content and revamping some things (thoughts on our new logo?) for you guys!

Katie, myself and the entire Tribe 21 team want to continue to inspire, encourage, educate and help guide you guys on all things work, school, relationship and life related. We would absolutely love and so greatly appreciate if you’d spend just a few minutes and take this short survey on how we can make Tribe 21 even better for this year! 

You can take the survey by clicking the link here or typing the URL, http://www.tiny.cc/tribe21survey, directly  into your browser.  

It will also be linked on all our social media too, which if you aren’t following your missing out on some great stuff, so be sure to give us a follow!

Twitter | Instagram | Facebook | Pinterest | Tumblr 

 

Thank you guys for an incredible 2016. You all blew us away at your support for Tribe 21. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever think that in a few short months we’d have over 2,500 followers. We can’t wait to keep growing and getting better and better with each day. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! 

 

Happy 2017 everyone! It’s early January and we all know what that means- it’s time for everyone to decide what their New Year’s resolutions will be for the year. Now, not everyone agrees with making resolutions, and I used to be one of those people. But I’ve still made them almost every single year despite those thoughts, like many others. So today I wanted to share a few important things to remember when it coming to choosing and carrying out your 2017 New Year’s Resolutions.

Make It Realistic.
I think it’s safe to say that we would all love to take on the entire world and would love to accomplish many things and succeed at them all. However, the truth is we can do anything but we can’t do everything. So, when making our New Year’s resolutions this year, it’s important to be realistic it what we will be able to accomplish this year. Choose challenging but realistic New Year’s resolutions! You want something that will be work for you but you want it to also be attainable as long as you work hard. If you choose a New Year’s resolution that is too challenging, you’ll only end up defeated. So please, set yourself up for success.

Make It Personal To You.
New Year’s resolutions can be really daunting and even scary sometimes, so it can be easy to pick good but generic resolution, like “work out” or “drink more water” or get more sleep.” Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that these are bad resolutions because they totally aren’t and are definitely important things. What I’m saying is that you need to pick resolutions that are personal and specific for you and your life. If you truly need to work on something that is typically considered a generic resolution, then it is totally fine for you to choose that and to work on that. However, I want to stress that you shouldn’t pick a generic resolution if it’s not something you truly need to work on. Spend a little time thinking about your resolution and make it personal. Decide on something that you personally need to really improve on.

Believe in Your Ability To Achieve It.
A lot of times people can go into the New Year and into New Year’s resolutions with the idea that they will probably fail and that they most likely won’t achieve whatever it is that they decided to work on in 2017. I just want to remind y’all how self destructive and harmful that attitude can be. If you believe you’ll fail you most likely will. But, if you go into the New Year and any resolutions you choose with the idea that you will achieve every single one of them, you’ll likely do just that. Don’t let a harmful outlook kill your progress before it even starts. Be positive. Believe in yourself.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up About Mistakes.
None of us are perfect and we will all make some sort of mistake. That’s inevitable and okay. So, there’s always a chance that we might mess up on our journey to following through with our New Year’s resolutions. We might decide to skip the gym when we know we shouldn’t. We might forget to bring a water bottle to class so we aren’t able to drink as much water that day as we wanted. Whatever it might be, it’s very likely to happen. Mistakes are part of human nature. But it’s important not to beat yourself up when those mistakes do happen. It’s important to remember that one mistake it not the full range of your own will or capability. It’s also important to remember that tomorrow is a new day.

New Year’s Resolutions are a big deal and oh so important to so many people. This makes it important to remember some things when choosing and carrying out your resolutions. Be realistic, be personal, believe, and forgive. Keeping these things in the forefront of your mind is bound to set you up for success in 2017. Tribe 21 knows you are capable of awesome things! Good luck this year in accomplishing all your goals.

What are your resolutions in 2017? Comment down below so we can keep up with you and check in! 🙂